I'm wondering if I will every simply cease to be blindsided. I wonder if, someday, finding out someone has lied to me will simply be accepted my a heart and mind too tired to be shocked anymore. Maybe my hands will stop their shaking and my breath will continue on as normal rather than speeding away like a spooked horse. Maybe, one day, when I hear that a loved one has been deceiving me, my mind and body just won't react, because the mechanisms will finally have worn out.
You think I would have learned by now. You think I would simply expect that everyone is lying, and I never truly know the full story, because none of them ever want to tell me.
The worst part is, I don't know whether to blame him for lying, or blame myself for making him not want to tell me.
1 comments:
people lie. it's a defense mechanism when they don't want to get hurt and/or don't want to hurt others. it's a defense mechanism for when they do something and don't want to appear weak or less than {insert-desired-value-here}.
if you start to just expect that you will never know the true story you'll miss out on a lot. no one ever knows the true story unless they were physically present in every situation.
i think if i say that their is no blame i'd be wrong, but if i say the blame belongs to both then i'd still be a little off. i figure you're talking about your boyfriend and being sober/not-being sober. dating someone with an addiction to anything is hard. addictions such as these destroy. you can't blame yourself, but instead make yourself open to hear his struggles, his story. make yourself open to help him. encourage him that if he feels like lighting up he can call you and talk through it.
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up
anger." Proverbs 15:1
"Let us not give up the habit of meeting together ... instead let us encourage one another." - Heb. 10:25
don't beat yourself up love. just breathe, forgive and help as much and as best you can! i know your not a christian, but i'll be praying for you!
- hally.
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