Show and Tell: What are we really learning to value? ((Long post warning!))

HEADS UP. This post is two pages long in a word document. Just so you're prepared for a bit of a read! =)

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“Modern societies have developed vast institutions oriented around the things that are easy to count, not around the things that matter most.”

This is a quote from the op-ed article, “The Sandra Bullock Trade,” written by David Brooks. It appeared in the New York Times on March 29, 2010. We read it in English the other day, and I can't stoup thinking about it. Since it went a long way in inspiring this post, I highly recommend that you read it, but it isn't essential to understanding my point, and any specific things I feel the need to touch on will most likely be quoted.

Let me begin by saying that I agree, and that this thought has been drifting around un-formed in my head for a while now. It began to take on somewhat of a solidified form when I read this post by another blogger, and slammed into my skull full-force after reading the article that afternoon—specifically that quote.

Our English teacher had us write a blurb on what we thought was the most important passage from the article and—surprise surprise!—I picked that quote, and I'm going to basically paraphrase what I wrote and handed in to her.

Ever since we were little, most of our parents and teachers and nannies and daycare people and all the other assorted adults have told us that material wealth is less important than the other parts of life. They have told us that being happy, having friends and family that love and care, and doing things you love come before being rich and having material goods. They tell us that the job we will someday have is not so very important, and doesn't define us. But they show us something entirely different.

Schools are all about standardized tests and grades and graduating so that we can go on to more school. Why? So that we can get good degrees. And why is that? Why, for good jobs of course! And how would most people define a good job? By how much money you make. This is, without a doubt, society's biggest prerequisite for a successful job or career. Though this may not be stated so bluntly by younger generations, it's definitely shown rather indiscreetly by the older ones. For example, my grandmother always asks me the same question about my friends and significant others—what do their parents do for a living? My father and mother have been known to ask as well.

“Why?” I always want to fire back. I thought you all said it didn't matter. I thought people were more than their professions, careers, temp jobs. I honestly have no idea what most of my friends' parents do for a living. It never once has crossed my mind to ask unless it somehow comes up in conversation some other way. I honestly don't find income levels and jobs important beyond meeting basic needs for yourself and your family. And yes, there is something to be said for the fact that I am only sixteen and have not yet been officially employed anywhere, but it still came as a shock when I started noticing the double-speak going on in the daily lives of myself and my friends when it came to things like our grades, our opportunities, and our futures.

Let's take the other day as an example—my school has a system where gradebooks are posted online for each student. This system is designed so that both students and parents can keep track of current grades, missing assignments, etc. My mother went on to the grade book to check grades for my brother and me, and she saw that my scores in most of my classes are kind of abysmal right now, because the term has only been going on for three weeks, and two of those were full of all kinds of crap and drama. She spent the better part of a half hour railing on me about grades and GPAs and college applications and a future so distant I can't even begin to picture it. Not long afterwards, we went out to dinner, and somehow my life and my friends and their usual drama came up. My mom commented, saying, “This school year seems better. You seem happier.” I laughed, thinking she was joking, and said, “Right. Grades included!” She replied, “Grades aren't the most important thing, though.”

Wait, wait, wait. Back up a step or two. I thought we just spent like... twenty-five minutes talking about my grades and how vital they are to my future? Now you're turning and telling me that my grades aren't important, as long as I'm happy and in a good place. So... which is it?

This type of double-talking permeates my life, as well as the lives of most of my friends. The adults and authority figures in our lives go back and forth between saying that school and our homework and our grades should be our primary focus in our lives. They treat moral/social/emotional life as a separate entity from the financial/educational part of life, and so we, as children and pupils, grow up thinking that way as well. When parents and teachers talk about “your future,” you assume they're speaking of the financial aspect. When they talk of “the rest of your life,” they're generally referring to the moral and social parts. Granted, I'm sure the terminology differs from parent to parent, but the gist is the same—we all grow up seeing life in two sections.

While we are younger, this is presents little to no problem whatsoever, since we generally have no fiscal responsibilities, and our elementary and (usually) middle school years are entirely comprised of very basic social and moral decisions and lessons—don't lie, don't hurt others, be nice, share. None of this can possibly clash with the stereotypical middle-class American type-set future most people are raised with—the graduate-twice, get-a-job-that-will-”go somewhere,” have-some-kids model. The more modern version a Wife, Kids & White Picket Fence/2.5 kids and a dog-named-Max. (And when you think about it, what's really more modern about it besides the sheer amount of expensive electronics and the irreverent dimensions of our houses?)

Only when we start maturing to we—hopefully—start thinking about our futures in more concrete terms. And I know that personally, I'm coming to realize that my own conception of my future doesn't necessarily correspond with the college/career/spouse/career model. Because of the efforts I've taken in the past few years to become a better person, a more secure, stable, happy person, my grades (which are, I suppose, the current equivalent to a fiscal responsibility in my life) have suffered. Severely. To quote that same fellow blogger, “I'd rather be able to keep myself from having emotional breakdowns than memorize the formula for statistics that isn't ever useful outside of class.” I agree. I would much rather be skipping English to re-learn how to breathe, and to reconnect with two of the most important people in my life. I'd rather play Truth than study Japanese verbs. You get the point, I hope.

Maybe I'm naïve. Maybe I'm a deluded, sunny-eyed child who wants to believe she's doing it right. I'm not denying tat this is a possibility—it most certainly is. I don't know nearly enough about life to say that I'm absolutely certain in almost anything, excepting the existence of a higher power and love. But I can't help thinking that there are more important things than school and careers and wealth of a material nature. As long as my basic needs are met (and those of my family, if I have one someday), I can be happy in life. I don't need a degree hanging on the wall to ensure my stability—I'm doing that on my own. Every time I skip homework to help a friend, every time I bomb a test because I chose a meaningful conversation, I am ensuring myself that I can survive regardless of the financial circumstances, and that I am centered. I never used to understand what people meant when they used that word, but now I think I do. I would rather be centered than oriented somewhere ahead of where I am. That only screws up my spiritual center of balance and makes it easier to fall.

To quote a good friend of mine, “I'm not ready to give up my life to this world.”

Are you?